Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
