I want to stick my p in your. b.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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