$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We were destined to go to rehab together
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
