Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
foreskin is a definite game changer
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
