Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
