is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
