I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i scared a bird with my dick
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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