Ambien. No doubt about it.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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