Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
