i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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