Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
