haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Terrible idea I love it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
