Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
