Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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