so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
