The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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