he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
