I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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