I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
