He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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