somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
