Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
