How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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