We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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