peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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