are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
