I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
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