i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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