I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
