my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
