I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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