BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
