the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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