we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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