let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
