That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
