My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize