he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
