mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
from now on my penis is your penis
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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