I cannot find my penis.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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