Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
