Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
