I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
