Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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