In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
