...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
