He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
