U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
