Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
