Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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