So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
