im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
