dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
