I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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