Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
