Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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