i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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