i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
