Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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