the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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