KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
