What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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