remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
