"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize