Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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