There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
