ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
