dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just pee around me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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