Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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