She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize