If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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