Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
